REVIEW: HALLOWEEN KILLS

Halloween Kills should be, renamed as Halloween Fails. Even though I had many problems with the re-launch of Halloween, this became a total disgrace. For one, I am a huge Halloween fan of the originals. My favorites are Halloween (1978), Halloween II (1981), Halloween III, and Halloween 6 The Curse of Michael Myers. Everything else is scattered, making this the most dysfunctional franchise in Horror history. Let me explain that Halloween 4 and 5 would probably have come before the 6th film if they would not have screwed the mask up so much. I liked Halloween 6 because it had a darker atmosphere, and the Myers mask was better than 4 and 5. Rob Zombie’s version had his 1970s film style, which I did somewhat like, but again, had its problems. The mask showed his eyes too much and looked more like Frankenstein than Michael Myers. The other part I did not like about Rob Zombie’s versions was the over-the-top gore and violence. What made Halloween special was that the gore was more implied than revealed. When Halloween was re-launched with David Gordon Green as the director, I was hoping for the best. When I said this is the most dysfunctional franchise, I meant it. David Gordon Green’s versions had some descent tributes to the original but screwed up everything else. The Michael Myers walk is not correct and moves too quickly. Michael Myers is supposed to be a robot-like killing machine referred to as The Shape in Curtis Richards Halloween book adaption and has a perfect cadence to his walk. Michael Myers has a similarity to films like Jaws and builds to that suspenseful confrontation. The mask would appear from the shadows and would hardly have any close shots until the climax keeping his eyes hidden from being seen until the end. Though Halloween 2 is directed by Rick Rosenthal, it was written and produced by John Carpenter. So, it did keep the Carpenter feel to the original, and the story is one continuous night. John Carpenter took back the reigns of being the director in Halloween 3 Season of the Witch. His approach and intent were to make a new Halloween story with each sequel. The Michael Myers story was supposed to end after two, but the fans didn’t like it. Halloween 3 is a great story and has become more popular over the years. I personally liked what John Carpenter was aiming to accomplish and completely understand why he abandoned the series. However, this is where I get confused, and this begins my rant on Halloween Fails- I mean Halloween Kills! I’m glad John Carpenter came back to the series with his score composing, but I wish he would take back the series as writer and director.

Let us begin. Halloween Kills has some horrendous acting in it. I love that they brought back some old characters in this film, but it felt like a bad b-movie, and I like b-movies. Also, If I hear the chant Evil Dies Tonight one more time, I might punch the wall. Halloween opens with a kid in a dress, and at first, I was like really? I gave it a pass as if it was unintentional. However, I know Hollywood propaganda, but they love to put males in dresses these days. They could have picked any costume, but they chose a dress. I kept watching to see what else they would throw in there, and low and behold they put a gay couple living in Michael Myers’s house- now it’s too obvious? Typical Hollywood virtue signaling their diversity, inclusion, and proving everything they do is like product placement. What a crock of shit if you ask me. They also have a mob that loses all control chasing some random guy around the hospital that looks nothing like M. Myers and is so stupid that I forgot I was watching a horror film. I genuinely laughed more at this more than most comedies made these days. It wasn’t a fun laugh though; it was one of those embarrassed sad laughs. I thought, was this made for a quick buck, they can’t be serious, right? It’s filled with unnecessary gore, and the plot is like a bad Saturday Night Live skit. I love Anthony Michael Hall, and when he played in the television series The Dead Zone, he was spot on and believable. In this film, I felt like I was watching a parody like Scary Movie or something. As Anthony put his serious badass face on, holding a baseball bat, and yelling Evil Dies Tonight had me laughing hysterically. David Gordon Green needs to go back to directing comedy because horror is not his wheelhouse.

True Halloween fans that respect the original series should be angry; David Gordon Green has failed to deliver a fun Halloween film experience. The suspense is nonexistent, and the gore is plenty. Another head-scratcher was having Laurie Strodes’ daughter running around in a Christmas sweater and getting the last kill attempt on Michael. We all know where this goes. Was this kind of symbolism? What was the point of having her dressed up in a Christmas sweater and not a Halloween sweater? It was almost like they were implying that Christmas attempts to murder Halloween for good, but Halloween ultimately kills Christmas in the end. It may be pointless overthinking, but this is how my brain works. Just like the mob going nuts and Laurie stating this is how he divides us. Was this a political statement- I think so — Hollywood is full of this messaging in almost everything I watch these days. If you pay attention, it’s sometimes hard to enjoy a movie with all the subliminal messages thrown it.

I watch a movie to escape, not get preached at by a director or a writer’s belief system. The other part I didn’t like was how they changed the narrative of the first one. It’s also funny that Kyle Richards was a better actress when she was a child in the original Halloween. Her acting was flat and disingenuous. She’s a better actress in the scripted reality show Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Jamie Lee Curtis seemed tired, and her role was a complete joke. She never laid eyes on Michael throughout the whole film. The bottom line, this is a disaster and should have been scrapped from the beginning of conception. It is too bad John Carpenter doesn’t agree to take over the reins again because everyone who tries to recreate the story in some way seems to butcher it. As a huge Halloween fan of the originals, this one stinks like a rotten corpse. No treat, just a disappointing trick.